


Meeting a Stranger

by immaplane



Series: The Adventures of Mike (don't call me that) and Vince (nice to meet you) [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Exasperated Mycroft, Gen, Hurt Mycroft, I bet he swears constantly, Internal Monologue, Mycroft Is Not Amused, Mycroft's early years, Mycroft's internal dialogue would be hilarious, Mycroft-centric, Or just a constant high-pitch screaming, Sassy Mycroft, This is why he doesn't like legwork, Wounded Mycroft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 23:32:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9520940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immaplane/pseuds/immaplane
Summary: Mycroft is hurt and a concerned citizen offers his help.Mycroft doesn't appreciate it.





	

April 4, 1990. Mycroft is 24.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. This was not how it was supposed to go. It should have been so easy. Get in, talk to the contact, get out. That was it. Except that the man, that little piece of shit, had gotten scared and backed out. And evidently, someone had found out about the planned meeting. So instead of talking to some scared computer analyst, Mycroft had been met by a walking stereotype: 6 ft. 5, bulking muscles, and a temper to fit his face.

He’d gotten away of course; MI6 gives very intensive training, but he had been wounded. Nothing too serious but still, his suit was ruined. Even if he did get the blood stains out, the slashes made sure it was unsalvageable.

And now he had to walk back to his flat. Walk. Because he’d lost his wallet in the scuffle. As if his day wasn’t bad enough.

Thank God he was in London. People don’t talk to each other. And even if there was someone who would overcome their ingrained standoffishness, a smile and a nod should be enough to be left alone.

Oh no, here comes another one. No, I’m fine, carry on. Yes very good. Fuck, that was a double-take. He’s going to talk, fuck.

‘Hey, uhm, you okay?’

Ugh, a tourist.

‘Yes, fine, thank you.’

Carry on. Go watch Cats or something.

‘You don’t look okay.’

What an astute observation.

‘You’re bleeding.’

Oh really? I hadn’t noticed, I thought it was raining.

‘I am perfectly fine, I assure you.’

‘Do you need help getting to the hospital or something?’

Oh my god, he’s not going to leave is he?

‘No thank you. If that is all, I will just continue on my way. Have a nice day.’

Right. Just keep walking. Is he still there? He’s following me. What have I done to deserve this?

‘I can’t just let you go like that.’

Why the hell not?

‘You’re bleeding, you could pass out or something.’

Why must this happen to me?

‘If you won’t let me get you to a doctor, let me at least help you where it is you want to go.’

‘I do not need help.’

As I thought I had made clear.

‘Well then I won’t do it to help you. I’ll help myself. It’ll fill up my be-a-decent-human-being-card. If I am a Good Samaritan today, I can blissfully ignore all of humanity for the rest of the week. You’d be doing me a favour, really.’

‘Please feel free to ignore all of humanity today.’

‘Nope, too late. I’ve seen my chance and I’m taking it.’

This day is cursed.

‘If you won’t let me walk beside you and support you, I’ll just walk behind you.’

‘Pardon?’

No. No. No. This is not happening.

‘Oh yeah, I’ll follow you. And I’ll keep following you until you either collapse and I’ll wrestle you in a cab and take you to a hospital or until you get where you’re going and I’m sure there is someone there to take care of you.’

‘You are quite infuriating.’

And I hope you burn in hell.

‘I’ll take that as a compliment.’

Of course you will.

‘It wasn’t meant as such.’

‘Oh I know.’

I didn’t think it was possible, but I have found someone more vexing than Sherlock.

‘So, where are we going?’

I am doomed. And there is no way I am giving you my address. We’ll go to one of the safe houses.

’34 Crown Street.’

‘I have no idea where that is. Is it far?’

Of course you don’t, because I couldn’t get stuck with an intelligent person. And it is miles away, _miles_.

‘No I don’t suppose you would, you’ve only been here a week. And it is at least a 30 minute walk.’

And I am already desperately counting the minutes.

‘Even if I’d lived here for years I probably wouldn’t find it, I’m geographically challenged, I mean it, I get lost everywhere.’

Geographically challenged? Dear lord.

‘And how did you know that?’

‘Know what?’

‘That I’ve only been here a week. I mean, I get that my accent is very obviously not native but how did you know it was a week?’

The same way I know you’re only visiting and are leaving again in a week.

‘That doesn’t matter.’

Please stop talking now.

‘Au contraire, I think it’s very interesting. Do you know other things as well? Can you tell where I’m from?’

‘Of course I can.’

But I won’t. The last thing I want is to encourage you.

‘Well? Go on then.’

‘Am I your personally trained monkey?’

Whatever I did to deserve this, I’m sorry.

‘Oh come on, it’ll probably take us ages to get to your place.’

Yes indeed. Ages. You don’t want to waste your precious time on that. Run along now.

‘And I have to keep you talking don’t I? To make sure you don’t have a concussion or anything.’

I have gone to hell and this is my punishment.

‘As my wounds are centred around my torso, and as it is unlikely for me to fall asleep while walking, that will not be necessary.’

You idiot.

‘I saw a movie once where a guy could fall asleep while standing up.’

Of course you did. I bet there were a lot of explosions as well, as that is the only type of film that would interest the likes of you.

‘As I am unable to perform such a feat, there is nothing to worry about.’

‘Then at least tell me your name.’

Why on earth would I do that?

‘I think not.’

‘Why not? I’m Vincent.’

Fascinating. Now I know the name of the demon that’s plaguing me.

‘So, tell me yours.’

‘I will not.’

‘I’ll just give you one then.’

Please don’t.

‘How about Fred?’

How on earth.

‘That is a terrible name.’

‘I know.’

Get that grin of your face.

‘I still want to know.’

‘I am not telling you my name.’

‘Oh no, not your name, _Fred_ , where I’m from.’

He’s like a dog with a bone.

‘No.’

‘Please?’

‘No.’

Still at least 20 minutes to go. I need something to gag him.

‘But I’m helping you, shouldn’t you be nice to people who are helping you?’

Don’t even go there.

‘If I needed your help then yes, but as it is…’

‘Pretty please?’

Really?

‘No.’

‘Pretty please with a cherry on top?’

Oh my fucking god.

‘How old are you?’

‘Can’t you guess?’

How dare you.

‘I do not guess.’

‘Deduce then.’

‘You’re 22.’

I should not be encouraging him.

‘Very good. Now where am I from?’

I knew it.

‘I am not a dog that performs tricks for a pat on the head.’

‘How about a pat on the head and a coffee?’

I don’t want bloody coffee. 

‘You do not drink coffee.’

‘Well I’d drink hot chocolate and you could have coffee, or tea, I suppose.’

Hot chocolate. I am obviously dealing with an overgrown toddler.

‘You do not drink tea either do you?’

You uncultured swine.

‘Nope. Well, now that we’ve got that settled, where am I from?’

I am starting to believe in karma.

‘Fine. If only to get you to cease talking for a while.’

I am going to regret this.

‘Hope springs eternal.’

I’m regretting it.

‘You are infuriating.’

‘You already said that. Tell me how you know as well.’

‘You spoke French just now. With a correct accent; which means you have at least a basic knowledge of French. Your grimace tells me you do not enjoy that language, so it was probably a mandatory course in school. However, that still leaves us with most of Europe. The fact that you used it at all indicates that you are familiar with it, so either it is an official language in your country or a neighbouring one. You use a uvular trill, not only when speaking French, which leads me to believe that is your natural way of speaking and you are likely not able to pronounce a different r. That keychain you’ve been fiddling with says ‘hallo’, so that brings it down to German or Dutch. Your accent is too soft for German, so Dutch. More particularly Flemish, so you are from Belgium.’

That should shut him up.

‘That’s brilliant.’

You’re not shutting up. Why are you not shutting up?

‘It was also completely unnecessary as you have a small Belgian flag hanging from your bag.’

Honestly, some people.

‘Oh right. Forgot about that.’

‘Obviously.’

Now wallow in your shame and be silent.

‘It was still brilliant though. So, Fred, now that you know my age, land of origin and preferred beverage. Might I know something about the mysterious, handsome man I’m rescuing?’

Are your flirting with me?

‘Bothering you mean.’

‘A matter of perspective.’

I wonder how you’d like the perspective from the ground.

‘From my perspective, a wild uncouth man appeared and is refusing to leave me alone.’

‘And from my side I rescued a mortally wounded man from an assured death. Isn’t that a wonderful thing.’

‘I am desperately counting the seconds until I get rid of you.’

Patience, Mycroft.

‘About that, are we there yet?’

Unfortunately not.

‘Not that I am desperate to get away from you, but it looks like it’s getting harder for you to walk. I mean, all silliness aside, are you going to make it or do I need to call an ambulance after all?’

When did I start leaning on you? Fuck.

‘We are nearly there.’

‘Good, and there will be someone there who’ll take care of you?’

No there won’t be.

‘There should be.’

‘I do not like the sound of that.’

I do not like the sound of your voice.

‘So, Fred, I should have probably asked this sooner, but how did you get hurt?’

Some maniac with a knife attacked me. And stop calling me Fred.

‘I fell.’

Smooth, Mycroft.

‘Must have been some fall. You regularly fall forwards _and_ backwards?’

Shit, he got me in the back as well.

‘Yes.’

Very smooth.

‘I have a theory.’

Gods above, spare me.

‘You’re either a criminal or a secret agent.’

Someone so annoying cannot be human.

‘Those are the only options?’

‘Well, no, I’m sure there are other explanations, but those are the fun ones.’

What did I expect.

‘The fun ones.’

‘Yes. So either I’m an accessory to some kind of crime or I’m helping James Bond with a top secret mission.’

Both of those options would allow me to kill you.

‘Quite.’

‘Of course I’m hoping you’re 007.’

We’ve finally arrived, thank god.

‘As interesting as this conversation has been, we have arrived at my destination.’

‘Okay, now give me the key.’

Oh hell no.

‘Why on earth would I do that.’

‘Because you need to focus on standing upright. Now give it here.’

You are not allowed to make a logical argument.

‘Thank you.’

Damn, I forgot about the stairs.

‘I need to get to the second floor.’

‘Oh boy. Okay, let’s do this.’

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This hurts. This is hurting me. Do you hear me peasant, this is fucking hurting me.

‘You doing okay?'

‘I’m fine.’

FUCK.

‘You’re just looking a bit sick.’

‘Your grunting is reminding me of the mating call of a buffalo.’

‘One, how do you even know how that sounds. And two, you try lugging dead weight up these stairs and then we’ll talk.’

I’ll gladly lug your dead body.

‘We made it.’

Yes thank you, I am capable of sight.

‘Thank you for your _kind_ help. You can go now.’

‘Wait, I’m getting you in first. Make sure you’re taken care of.’

God damn it.

‘Fred?’

That is not my name, stop calling me that.

‘There’s no one here.’

I had no idea.

‘How unfortunate. Goodbye now.’

‘Oh no, I did not get you all the way here to just leave you alone. You need medical care.’

No actually, I have superhealing powers, I’ll be fine.

‘So get your shirt off.’

Fuck no.

‘What?’

‘Take it off, I’m going to help you.’

FUCK NO.

‘And you have experience in tending to wounds?’

‘I haven’t the foggiest how to treat anything worse than a papercut. But I doubt I could make it worse.’

I have no doubt you could, actually.

‘So you’ll just have to guide me through it, Fred.'

No way in hell.

‘Get me that phone.’

‘Have you finally decided you do, in fact, need an ambulance?’

You smug little shit.

‘No. I am calling a doctor.’

‘Great. Then I can’t accidentally kill you.’

I can still kill you.

‘Would you mind stepping out?’

‘Yeah sure, I’ll be in the kitchen. I’d make you some tea, but I don’t know how.’

How have you made it into adulthood?

‘This is Antarctica. Mission failed. Request medical assistance. Location B.’

This hellish day has almost ended. Thank god.

‘I knew you were a spy.’

Oh for fuck’s sake.

‘So your codename’s Antarctica? _Cool_. Get it?’

Oh my god.

‘You will not mention this to anyone. Ever. Or you will regret it.’

I swear to god, if that smirk doesn’t leave your face this second.

‘Sure, Fred, I can keep a secret. So when are your agent buddies coming?’

‘Any moment now.’

If the heavens be good. Yes, those are footsteps. I am saved. Hallelujah.

‘As you can see, help has arrived. You can now be on your way.’

Please never come back.

‘Okay. Bye Fred. Get well soon, and try not to get hurt again. See you around.’

No you bloody won’t.


End file.
